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Saturday, 18 April 2009

College/Swimsuits/Thinspo

I JUST finished a paper for English 101 that's due by midnight (online class), and I had a latte to be able to stay up so now I'm wired.

Basically I'm freaking out. This Thursday night, I'm going over to my friend Kailey's house for a girls night and we're going hot-tubbing. I thought I was going to have at least another month until it was time to put on a swimsuit. You know what that means, water and fruit till then.

Have any of you bought a new suit for this summer? Where did you get it? I've been shopping for one but haven't seen any cute ones.

My mom's in Vegas for a few days for my cousin's wedding (he actually lives there, it wasn't a drive-thru chapel deal haha) so it's been easy to avoid eating. Last night I went to sushi with my boyfriend and some friends and I had almost a whole role to myself though. I hadn't really had anything that day so my stomach hurt after that, but I always try to eat a ton in front of people.

I actually talked to my friend Terry about my eating problems last weekend. He plays paintball with my boyfriend and I've known him for a while now. Anyways, we met at this coffee house to study since he's in my English class, but we ended up just talking mostly. We talked about everything, and somehow this came up. I told him the truth, and he said that he kind of already knew (which worried me...I try to hide it in every way I can). It felt nice to talk to someone about it and he was so understanding about the whole thing. He's older than us, in his early 30's so I think he had a more mature reaction than some of my other friends would have had. And he promised to keep it between us.

On a better note, I've been using my Bath & Body Works tanning lotion religiously, so I have some nice color!

Tomorrow my boyfriend is practicing with a pro team down in Albany and Lauren is working, so I'll probably be all alone with my computer programming hw. Which is the only kind of homework I enjoy =)

Thinspo

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Sunday, 29 March 2009

6 Years is a BIG Age Difference

So far, my break has been really good. The beach house was so much fun, but I had to come home a day early because I had an interview at this restaurant/bakery. That was Friday and I'm still waiting to hear back! They said they would let me know either way but if I haven't heard from them by now I probably won't =( They interviewed 5 other girls so I don't think there's any way I would beat that many people out. But if I DO get it, this will be my new job!

So now for some ridiculous drama. I have this friend Lauren who I met at school, and we hang out a lot and I consider her a pretty good friend. She's pretty much the only girl friend I have that I actually like. I brought her to my friend's party 2 weeks ago and she met David, one of my best guy friends. They ended up hooking up that night and like a day and a half later they had sex! And now they're a couple. Here's the thing: Lauren is 19. David is 25. David has told me so many times that he's done messing around with little party girls and he really wants to settle down and get married. And I love Lauren, but she parties almost every single night and used to always tell me about the different guys she wanted to get with! They are just completely wrong for each other.

I can't believe they are moving so fast either. I cannot BELIEVE they had sex after knowing each other for like 48 hours, and she met his parents that day and they've already gone on a mini-vacation together. I've seen David do this before, he gets all crazy about a new girl and he totally blows it by moving too fast.

They're both acting like I put them together and played matchmaker and they've been thanking me, but I'm like hold on, I never in a million years would have tried to get them together. If David was, say, three or four years younger then maybe. But not when I know they are in total, complete opposite points in their life.

The main thing is, I really care about them both and I don't want to see them hurt if this ends badly. Of course, I haven't said any of this to them. I've just been telling them "I'm happy you're happy." Because that's what you say to people when you don't agree with their decisions.

Okay, here's some thinspo:
PS I only tag the photos that are mine that I have personally found, not photos that I've found on you ladies' sites =)
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Friday, 20 March 2009

Spring Break! & new thinspo

I had my LAST final this morning for computer tech and now I'm done! I know I have a 97% in that class so hopefully that will raise my GPA and I can get off academic probation. =/

I have lots of things to look forward to over break! In a little bit I'm going tanning with my friend Lauren and to Ulta for a little makeup shopping, then tonight we're going to this nightclub downtown with some other girls. Tomorrow morning I have my spa appointment for a massage (cannot wait!) manicure and pedicure, and my brother gets home from school. Then next week it's the beach house! My boyfriend is coming up for a few nights and I think some of my brother's friends are coming too.

I'm a little nervous about the beach house just because I'll be there for almost a week and will have to eat normally so no one notices. I don't know if I can do it so I may end up leaving a few nights early.

This is going to be a good break =)
What are you girls doing?

*And what color should I choose for my nails?

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Monday, 16 March 2009

I'm back, kinda sorta =)

Hi girlies. I haven't posted in a while, and the reason might make some of you mad. But the truth is, I needed a break from you.

My whole reason for making a Xanga and befriending some of you girls was to get support for my eating disorder, since my boyfriend is the only person who knows about it. And I'm really happy that I met some of you because you're going through the same things I am and know what living with ED is like. That's most of you =)

The other half of you, I'm sorry to say, are pathetic. You say you have anorexia, yet your intake per day is 2,000 calories? You weigh 167 pounds and you've been at that weight since you created your Xanga? You all post pictures of skinny girls that you're "dying to look like" but you don't change your habits or do anything about it. You're wanna-be anorexics.

I am in NO WAY saying that you should develop a real eating disorder (like it's a choice or something). All I'm saying is that if you are overweight and want to be thin but you don't do anything about it, you're just another girl trying to lose weight. And you probably don't know what it's like to lie to your family and friends when you starve yourself for a week straight and stay awake in bed every night trying to come up with an excuse to get out of eating tomorrow. You don't know what it's like to sit across from your boyfriend at the nice restaurant he picked out for your anniversary and not physically be able to eat anything. You don't know what it 's like to just want to disappear.

I would give anything to not be like this. To actually have three square meals a day and have that be ok and get better grades because I studied for three hours instead of exercised. I've been working on my problem and some days are ok. But the point is that I've been working on it.

I won't be posting my intake anymore or asking for tips. I'm not going to scroll through thinspo mindlessly. I still value the support I've gotten from most of you and would love to talk again and catch up, but those of you who are unhealthily overweight and say "poor me, I have an eating disorder" I will be deleting and blocking. I can't believe I have to say this to some of you, but EDs are not glamorous or fun or special or something you decide to have. Those of you who want one to lose weight, that's just repulsive.

I understand that there is a HUGE difference between eating disorders and disordered eating. I think some of you need to find that out for yourselves and quit trying to get sympathy for your "eating disorder".

My purpose for writing this ridiculously long blog was not to vent or hurt people's feelings, it's just something I feel strongly about and if you all of the sudden are blocked from my site, I just wanted you to know why.

That's all.

Saturday, 07 February 2009

New Hair

Yikes! My hair hasn't been black since I was 17 so this is going to take some getting used to...anyways:

Last night Chris and I went to Beaches for happy hour. It's my favorite place ever because it's always festive and tons of people are there but it's still intimate and cozy. It has fireplaces all over and the bartenders always greet us when we come in. But get this! We were on our second round (grey goose and coke for him, long island iced tea for me) when these two guys come up to where we were sitting at the bar and asked Chris if he played paintball for Team Nurv. He was like yeah, and they asked for his autograph! Then they waved more of their friends over, and THEY asked for his autograph! He was calm and cool about it and after they left he picked right back up in our conversation, meanwhile my mouth was hanging open like ummmm, did my boyfriend just have a celebrity moment? It was pretty funny. After that we kept getting curious looks, and when we left even the manager asked for him to sign something, even though I'm sure he doesn't follow national level paintball, haha.

Didn't eat a thing today. I feel strong =)

Favorite Thinspo of the Day:

Look at her stomach! I'm not a huge fan of her eye makeup, but she has pretty hair, and I like her tattoo.